The Dilemma of Moving Forward

Complaining and comparing, well, they are simply from the same family. How can you complain without even comparing? It's a very subjective thought, but hey, just find some times, sit down without music on and think deeply with silence. Where does it leads to, eventually?

Choosing Finding jobs seems like a proper action to take next, i'm not that motivated somehow, since.....I highly doubt that part-timers who works oni for two months (like me) are popular in the job market right now, provided it is not the gold-harvesting season (yet), especially in Kampar. How i missed my last job being a teacher, even though i have to travel back-and-forth all the way from Kampar to Tanjong Tualang on daily basis. Regular holidays, attractive salary packages which includes quite a sum of allowance, "challengin" journeys with lots of surprises even though with a fixed daily routines(personally think its awesome while most finds it stressing ;P), the "cute" students, and the nostalgic moments spending in the school(recalling my high school years).....well, with all these "positive" remarks, it definitely covers up all the down-sides.

Even though it was just a short period, honestly, i was devoting in the job and that attitude had got me lots of enlightening experience which i can't possibly get or comprehend as a student. Possessing the eyes of the all-seeing teacher while still being student-minded, i understood myself much more better. Sometimes, i will associate myself with some of those who carries the shadows i familiar with, seeing the bigger picture and learned from them, how they told my story, and giving me a new perception on myself. Who's the teacher and who's the student?

Stop!

I should stop being so picky right now! It's definitely the best time to make some savings for the sakes of better living during new semester which is just 2 months ahead from now. However, what drags me off is the need to pull myself off from the needs of worrying and just have some precious and thoughtful moments for myself before back to my ordinary hectic life.

What should i do? Hmmm...........
Pray i not regret in my next decision.....

After Light, Night Falls.

Time to rest, truly rest.
It's been 1/2 yr since i last saw my dad, a year in architecture, 1+1/2 yrs since EGS ended, 2 yrs i bid my old life farewell, and 4 yrs from my depressed old self.

I'm probably the luckiest person in the world, to have gone through these, with smiles and people supporting me. It doesn't matter what i'd been through anyway, it's matter who i am now, detached from the haunting images of the past or the fear of unpredictable future. Looking at me now, i'm still ok, that makes me proud . That meant more than anything to me, senses of living, at the present. It is indeed, contenting to count down till the end of a day, with every tiny moments u have in a day. It doesn't matter how grand or dramatic one's living is, adventure is always not about how good it looks, it's always matter how you paint your colours on it, making sparkle out of little thing. With all the sparks gather, it's form larger sparks, firework!

2 months of holidays, after Terang workshop, before the beginning of another semester. From junior to senior, well, i feel less psychological changes compared to my highschool years, in terms of identity and thoughts. A sign of mature perhaps? Or just that i'm still as young as my (future)juniors? Haha, i don't really bother that much on that aspect. All i noe is to make friends, stay happy, n keep my complaints as little as possible.

Before i'm 20, i was always so driven to achieve more and more, as a proof i'm not as weak as others perceived. Now that i'm 21, well, i finally understand one simple thing. Journey, created men; Men, in turn, created journey. Where we from, tells nothing about us.

A reminder to all including myself, Indulge yourself, have fun and dare to be wrong, in whatever things ya in. Now, it seems to me having good time in what we're doing matter the most in life. It's a tragic to live in a way that u can't enjoy whatever your doing, because, how can u even understand the meaning of being happy and contended?

To experience to the highest; to live to the fullest.
You need not any more things, other than you and Now, with joy and love.
Passion.

It's time for me to take a break, 2 months holidays, perfect timing for me to both reflect my past and indulge myself living in simplicity. =)

In a Dark Time like this..........

Obesity took over the day!!!!!

Shyt!!!!! I seriously need to work out ad!!! After Terang workshop of course.

A filler post, for sure.....Sometimes, i feel like i should have just post on Twitter but the problem is, who's goin to bother it when u haf like "zero" friends who used twitter? Hmmm.......USE TWITTER PLEASE!!!!

Well, that doesn't mean that i would abandon my blog, just that when i wanted to post something short, blog seems unsuitable, ey? Posting on FB is over exposed sometimes consider everybody is equally nude on FB.

So, twitter???

Carpenters - Rainy Days And Mondays

Not Failure, Low Aim Is A Sin

It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture.

It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no starts to reach for.

Not failure, but low aim is sin.

- Benjamin Elijah Mays

May life be peace... epic...and whatever

A long time of silence for the blog it has been.
In this time, i didn't wanted to get into anything, a moment for me to sit there just silently, be a silly staring into the blank.

Well, fortunate enough, the long semester break came just in time as the remedy for my exhausting months of dramatic life. It's not the princesses chaotic relations nor the mysteries behind all the evil schemes, well, life just get tiring when all things keeps on changing all the time, at least i'm still obsessed with bright blue skies and ......hate the random hanging of my laptops.

However, that's the beauty of living, ey? If plans and orders dictated the basis of life, how much different between the living and the dead? Even mother earth might spawn tsunamis and earthquakes spontaneously at will ;P.

Apparently, i'm managed to survive in UTM without the oppressive silence of Wyngy's mood swing and the ongoing pitch-y and bitchy noises of the gals filling the empty voids of time......Thank god, i'm just mildly masochistic....phew~

Sometimes, we need honesty, regardless it might be ruining the situation. The impact of honesty is life long, however, u mite utter in the series of unfortunate events once u converted urself into the religion of liars. Indeed, it happened, in the lives of people around me. Frankly speaking, i dont feel like an outsider in such an event, i just fear that i may not play my role well, everyday trying my best to lighten the burdens of my loved ones, but things just get out of hand. If u ask me, well, i'm not fully committed to this role.

May i say sorry that may never be heard.
May my life be peace, epic and whatever.

Ok, I JUST POST.

Sometimes, u want to live in a fiction.
So that, u can be somebody else. U always look up to somebody and wanted to be him, or her. Sometimes, you just want to be accepted, by people who u hardly agree or compatible. And sometimes, you will just too hate yourself, for the flaw than can never be perfected. Sounds like a time for Chicken Soup for Soul?

Hell, is this even related to what im gonna write. Whatever it is.......

There are actually dozens of draft before this one. I do not find a suitable one to post. Some advise me to post randomly. Erm, ya, this means i m posting randomly, actually.

I haf one post titled "Marsian under Venus Colonisation", funny, it's all about my recent life and thoughts to live through all the cats fight and the endless cycle of drama, changes of relationship and friendship in swift(within the years). I really want to post it, hell, something i hafta complain, i'll make sure it's through my mouth, REALLY(?). Well, it haven't been perfected, so i'll just make a short note here. There are two extreme radical type of venus colonization, which i have experienced, the Loud (can nv b diam) and the Diam-ned (dun get cheated by the softness of the exterior). I have experimented, that, the same sentence (with exactly same meaning of no offence) said at different time and mood, they can give me totally different interpretation/reaction. The two radicals are being friends, and enemy at the same time. To me, and lucky me, I m simple enough to not comprehend the complication they undergone. My mom said to me, "Of all the people, never believe women's words.(天下之大，女人的话最不能信）". Understand me, im not complaining, but im here to declare, imma victim of the colonization (i think).

So, i only wish for one thing, treat me like a gay guys, pervert, whatever u can think it as a guy, but never treat me, see me, and think me, understand me, feel me, as a girl.

NO OFFENCE. I'm just growing tired.

Does this post sounds retarded? Hmmm....well, i can care less. ;)

Well, i did promised for the previous months updates right? Cumin up after this retarded post

End of my retarding complaints.