Writing is sometimes a funny thing.
U can write a bunch of thing and u still feel nothing for it.
Writer's block? No, im not much of an expert in the manipulation of words. Well, i'm not especially gifted in words, some might even comment my lack of drives in going deeper in writing. That's probably right, almost completely true. Then again, commenting w/o noticing my lack of interest is simply being judgemental, or over-assertive, or ignorance.
Why bother? My writing, my liking.
Yes.......
My life, is how i decided to mess with it.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
What Doesn't Kills Me, Makes Me Stronger.
It is intended to leave the blog for a while, still, i have to apologize i didn't make any notice abt it. Perhaps i was in the dark back then, all i can actually do to move on(from some bad memories) is to keep myself occupied and tired, till a level that i don't want to stop down and think properly for myself. I was, indeed, escaping from something after all.
Then there comes the time when u actually cannot bear with the stress any more, your body collapse (a little, in my case) and your mind is completely emptied. Devoid of fear, u left wf nothing else to worry, seeing only your own self, the current self.
I came this far, however, this is not yet a place for me to rest. Put it in other words, it is still the dawn in my journey. I decided, rather to be the escaping one, this time, i'll turn things the other way round by facing my life bravely with all the courage and bonds i gained along my life. In the hope to change from time to time, to be a better man, because after all the defeats and miseries, i've come to understand being strong is easier than escaping from pain. Endurance is the greatest strength second to determination.
So what's up around me lately? Well, life had been pretty mercy (thrs definitely a fine line btw the words 'easy' and 'mercy'), not until lately, i can sense the invitations to some difficulties, although it is odd this time round. Somebody has reminded of who i used to be, as if i'm looking at the reflection of my past, but the questions remains....
"Have i actually change from that 'me' who i used to be?
Am i, now, different from that somebody who almost identical to that 'me'? "
Confidently speaking, i definitely have change. I've change and grow along the years. I'm happy with the man i am now and i have no more fear of becoming my father, because, i can never become him. Whenever i look into the mirror, well, aside from myself, i can also see the reflections of the people that i loved and cared about. My dad, my mom, my sis, my brothers, my friends, or ppl who i was once feared or hated. I have all the fragments of everybody, making me realizing there is simply no need to surrender.
I am me and i'll b going to choose who i am to be.
What i have killed, makes me who i am today.
Then there comes the time when u actually cannot bear with the stress any more, your body collapse (a little, in my case) and your mind is completely emptied. Devoid of fear, u left wf nothing else to worry, seeing only your own self, the current self.
I came this far, however, this is not yet a place for me to rest. Put it in other words, it is still the dawn in my journey. I decided, rather to be the escaping one, this time, i'll turn things the other way round by facing my life bravely with all the courage and bonds i gained along my life. In the hope to change from time to time, to be a better man, because after all the defeats and miseries, i've come to understand being strong is easier than escaping from pain. Endurance is the greatest strength second to determination.
So what's up around me lately? Well, life had been pretty mercy (thrs definitely a fine line btw the words 'easy' and 'mercy'), not until lately, i can sense the invitations to some difficulties, although it is odd this time round. Somebody has reminded of who i used to be, as if i'm looking at the reflection of my past, but the questions remains....
"Have i actually change from that 'me' who i used to be?
Am i, now, different from that somebody who almost identical to that 'me'? "
Confidently speaking, i definitely have change. I've change and grow along the years. I'm happy with the man i am now and i have no more fear of becoming my father, because, i can never become him. Whenever i look into the mirror, well, aside from myself, i can also see the reflections of the people that i loved and cared about. My dad, my mom, my sis, my brothers, my friends, or ppl who i was once feared or hated. I have all the fragments of everybody, making me realizing there is simply no need to surrender.
I am me and i'll b going to choose who i am to be.
What i have killed, makes me who i am today.
Monday, February 27, 2012
U'll die Or U'll live
I tied my eyes, as i'm only willing to accept what is being told by myself;
Not knowing what's around me; what's going to happen.
Once, choices were given,
in a journey to search for a Precious, an incomprehensible object to me.
A task given by my heart.
Once, two paths given,
On the left is a bright fiery path burning skins off,
where pains were carved obvious on the eyes on those ahead;
On the right is a dark cold valley welcoming with chills,
nothing can be sure of with few whispers of promise coming from nowhere.
Then there, began my 1st, and followings regrets.
Yet, clinging on the promises from the silence in the dark,
again, and again, moving on in the absence of the light.
The time comes!
or so i thought...
Suddenly,
in my hand i felt a momentarily warmth from.
Atlas, am i finally in the Golden land,
as foretold where the Precious is.
Very sure of it, i untied my eyes.
There, in the dim light,
first time seeing clearly in the dark,
fill with emptiness, a wide land with no horizon,
nothing but skulls and thorns.
First time looking at myself,
full of bloods and scars.
There were no tears, there were no screams,
only pain, and pains
I will, i will ready to sacrifice my skin,
in exchange for the right path.
This time, will be my last regret.
Not knowing what's around me; what's going to happen.
Once, choices were given,
in a journey to search for a Precious, an incomprehensible object to me.
A task given by my heart.
Once, two paths given,
On the left is a bright fiery path burning skins off,
where pains were carved obvious on the eyes on those ahead;
On the right is a dark cold valley welcoming with chills,
nothing can be sure of with few whispers of promise coming from nowhere.
Then there, began my 1st, and followings regrets.
Yet, clinging on the promises from the silence in the dark,
again, and again, moving on in the absence of the light.
The time comes!
or so i thought...
Suddenly,
in my hand i felt a momentarily warmth from.
Atlas, am i finally in the Golden land,
as foretold where the Precious is.
Very sure of it, i untied my eyes.
There, in the dim light,
first time seeing clearly in the dark,
fill with emptiness, a wide land with no horizon,
nothing but skulls and thorns.
First time looking at myself,
full of bloods and scars.
There were no tears, there were no screams,
only pain, and pains
I will, i will ready to sacrifice my skin,
in exchange for the right path.
This time, will be my last regret.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Never Stop Hoping and Living, 1st of Jan, 2012
Ushering in 2012 with simply movie, foods, and laughter, nothing can get more delightful than that. Probably every year the same ritual, even though with different ppl, the simplicity within the atmosphere, when we dun need to doubt each other and just let the moments shared and cheers for whatever that might befall upon us. Something, in 2011, i learned, that is the most important and valuable thing in any relationships.
Very, very rare, but when it shines, it's everywhere, and u realised, we don't really search for good things (like happiness, love and hope), cuz they are always here around waiting for us to finally see them, and appreciate their presence.
Close your eyes now, think back whatever happened, the best and the worst moments, take a deep breath, hold it...hold it.......jus hold it still.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And NOW, breath out!!! That concludes 2011, by making some spaces to breath in 2012!!! =)
Never Stop Hoping and Living, and dont stop dreaming. ;)
Very, very rare, but when it shines, it's everywhere, and u realised, we don't really search for good things (like happiness, love and hope), cuz they are always here around waiting for us to finally see them, and appreciate their presence.
Close your eyes now, think back whatever happened, the best and the worst moments, take a deep breath, hold it...hold it.......jus hold it still.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And NOW, breath out!!! That concludes 2011, by making some spaces to breath in 2012!!! =)
Never Stop Hoping and Living, and dont stop dreaming. ;)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Starts with Ending
Ends by beginning.
Some said u'll live through your life once more the moment before ur death. The irony is, death is like a prelude to your life in such a situation.
The reason i'm inspired to write this probably can be relate back to the metaphorical near death experience just now, or u can put it that way, of coz, my life wasn't even near "physical" danger. Just the moment before i sleep(or near to sleep), lights of ideas flashed through my mind defying fears that held me back the whole night. All it takes to banish your mental block is prob just time, time alone, NOT by forcing a solution to remove the obstacles. Simply let the fears take over sometimes, until the "fears" tired down giving birth to "opportunities"
What seems like as an absolute end is actually the beginning of "the beginning".
Some said u'll live through your life once more the moment before ur death. The irony is, death is like a prelude to your life in such a situation.
The reason i'm inspired to write this probably can be relate back to the metaphorical near death experience just now, or u can put it that way, of coz, my life wasn't even near "physical" danger. Just the moment before i sleep(or near to sleep), lights of ideas flashed through my mind defying fears that held me back the whole night. All it takes to banish your mental block is prob just time, time alone, NOT by forcing a solution to remove the obstacles. Simply let the fears take over sometimes, until the "fears" tired down giving birth to "opportunities"
What seems like as an absolute end is actually the beginning of "the beginning".
Friday, November 25, 2011
A Writing On 25th of November
A cup of nestum and 2 bars of cloud 9.
Those were my beginning meal of the day, apparently, my 1st status of the day, as well as my first breakfast of the month.
U wont exactly called it a breakfast, neither do i. A breakfast is the earliest meal of a day, but, do u called the meal served at the earliest hours of the day as breakfast? Or do u define breakfast as a meal that u have after the longest slumber of the previous day?
Of course, the definition is so personal that it can bubbles into infinite variations from person to person. How you depict a breakfast doesn't really helps in explaining the paradox of "breakfast", because for every questions of how, it always boils down to the letter "Y".
Time, it's sense of time, that frame the ways we see things, probably on everything.
Somebody takes sleeping as an indicator for time, after a sleep it considered a day, and breakfast is the 1st meal after a good night sleep (or prob good "day" sleep?). If that's the measurement for time, i'm experiencing 24++ hours a day right now, and that was not actually a breakfast that i have earlier this morning.
Some other people, for example, taking an alternative perception on time to see things.
Morning may seem to u as the moment after u wake up and sun rise from the east while night is the time u'll getting nearer to sleep in a world w/o daylight. To some, its how they feel at the moment that defines time.
To a mother, morning started even before sun rise as soon as she thinks of her beloved family, a moment, regardless how insignificant it is, filled with pure love and hope.
The realization of how miserable i am losing track of time struck my head in this rare occasion, as i watched the sun rise after staying up the whole long night.
" it's been a miserable night.", i told En.Azmi in a stress free manner, showing my unfinished plans and sections in the morning.
It's been such a long time since i actually watching sunrise, experiencing purely the moment, morning.
Those were my beginning meal of the day, apparently, my 1st status of the day, as well as my first breakfast of the month.
U wont exactly called it a breakfast, neither do i. A breakfast is the earliest meal of a day, but, do u called the meal served at the earliest hours of the day as breakfast? Or do u define breakfast as a meal that u have after the longest slumber of the previous day?
Of course, the definition is so personal that it can bubbles into infinite variations from person to person. How you depict a breakfast doesn't really helps in explaining the paradox of "breakfast", because for every questions of how, it always boils down to the letter "Y".
Time, it's sense of time, that frame the ways we see things, probably on everything.
Somebody takes sleeping as an indicator for time, after a sleep it considered a day, and breakfast is the 1st meal after a good night sleep (or prob good "day" sleep?). If that's the measurement for time, i'm experiencing 24++ hours a day right now, and that was not actually a breakfast that i have earlier this morning.
Some other people, for example, taking an alternative perception on time to see things.
Morning may seem to u as the moment after u wake up and sun rise from the east while night is the time u'll getting nearer to sleep in a world w/o daylight. To some, its how they feel at the moment that defines time.
To a mother, morning started even before sun rise as soon as she thinks of her beloved family, a moment, regardless how insignificant it is, filled with pure love and hope.
The realization of how miserable i am losing track of time struck my head in this rare occasion, as i watched the sun rise after staying up the whole long night.
" it's been a miserable night.", i told En.Azmi in a stress free manner, showing my unfinished plans and sections in the morning.
It's been such a long time since i actually watching sunrise, experiencing purely the moment, morning.
Finish writing on 26th November, in the night of 25th of November.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Where is the Love?
"In a hopeless place", Rihanna answered.
The video is about the juxtaposition of love and addiction. It's full of drugs, scumbags erotica n alcoholic bath.....Personally, i do fall in love with the video, mostly because of the message of the video and its videography. Prob once(or none at all? ;P) in ur lifetime u might catch into some bad romance, truthfully speaking, i had one of those in my distant past, too. Of coz, no drugs+sex+money+dirty things involved. ;)
Most of the time, be it it love, family or friendship, we should learn to STOP thinking at certain points. Im not a life guru, but, trust me, u are not solving anything at all. It is just u and the overflowing questions that drown u. =)
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