Before we getting into August...

Dreams are sweet, but when the bubbles broken, frustrations aside, the "hope" of getting back into the dreams is usually one of the strongest motivating force driving u all the way back into slumber.
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Exactly what i felt when i wake up today.

"廉"语说：早睡早起，离我越来越遥远~

 It is "keal-logically" proven that middle of the years are always the most fantastic opportunity to test my patience. This year, i've finally achieved exceptional result after long years of torturing battle between my alter-"Ego"s. Credits goes to "Architecture", which i willingly convert myself into its vampire. If Architecture is Edward, then im his Bella. Erm....sort of........i think. Okay, its a bad analogy, i admit. What i'm trying to point out is that its kinda like a bad romance. How should i said.........U love it and u hate it, but u cant allow urself to do both with 100% input, since the output is always unpredictable. Well, its very abstract to explain (while trying to avoid long grandma talk), i'd always remind myself :"真正的爱过才是无遗憾的"(meaning: don't let tomorrows' rain spoiled today's sun when it still on us #PS: to those who know chinese, i noe its a little to exaggerating ^^" ).

I'd spent my month doing exactly nothing, yes, absolutely nothing (other than the usuals, eg, babysit Albert, daily argument with mom, observing cats, social experiments on my friends, movies, bla3). I used to resent a lot during boredom. Try to picture boredom not as an empty space, but as a necessary void connecting different space, like a corridor in the castle with the breathtaking view of the icy mountains below, who said it served no purpose at all?
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The ideas of keep dreaming might be sexy, but if there is no wake up at all, then i will miss the chance to enjoy the beautiful view of flower blossoms along the streets with my mom, while arguing our choices for lunch. ;)

What the water gaves me?

I always question. There is not a second in my life that i live without questioning, or at least i always do it in the head. Most of the time, questions are rarely answered, perhaps cannot be answered sometimes. 

"What do u want the most? What do u wish the most? and why?"

I can manage to tell the "whats", but when it comes to "why"... Its not that i'm to misery to know the "why", to be able to answer "why", we also need the courage to tell, to tell the truth.

All this time i wanted to live great and be wherever i wannabe. The truth is, all i want is to be happy going through all that. Wouldn't it be okay as long as i'm happy even not living in dreams. So, what my dreams really are? Why am i pursuing them? Why am i even questioning?

Right now, i don't really know if i have enough courage and strength to answer the questions, however, i will at least use this semester break to seek the truth. To begin my first step, i'll be away from FB for the whole break, to clear my mind. Following is to live my life in Kampar quietly, that doesn't mean i don't talk or isolate myself from socializing at all, that is juz me wanted to observe and listen more. ;P

Will try to update my blog as frequent as possible btw, while experiencing my holiday like going with the flow of water.